Zombies Vs. Vampires

Choose your side wisely!

Zombie walk

Zombie. Picture author: SP by Grmisiti, on Flickr

Little vampire

Boy vampire. Picture author: Leszek.Leszczynski, on Flickr

So the apocalypse is hastily approaching. Get ready for complete chaos and anarchy. The streets will run crimson with the defeated’s blood. Your human demise is inevitable; so choose your side wisely.

There are two clans that are exponentially rising; each with their undeniable strengths and weaknesses. Whether your palate prefers the tender brawn of the human skull or the viscous delicacy of the civil collar, only the fittest will forge ahead.

If your one for conformity, and you take comfort in “the rule of numbers,” the zombie-regime might be right for you. There is an extensive network of kin, ready to hunt in your pack with fervor. Their goal will be simple: consume flesh to sustain bodily-life. Though you are not actually “alive,” the nourishment that you consume will provide sustenance for the preservation of your kind.

For the autonomous-at-heart, the vampire faction might be your best fit. As a vampire, you will have the flexibility to feast as you please. The innate desire to feed will not rule your mind, though you will endure great mental despair. Your insatiability will be an arc which finds no landing. Although your meals may be indulged any time; avoid the daylight, as this could prove unbearably painful and could even result in your demise.

When deciding on your side, consider each’s attributes.

The zombies have an unprecedented sense of smell. Once zombified, you will notice that your olfactory capacity will be grossly amplified. Food will be simple to scavenge; as your human, untuned nostrils will regress back to your primal and animalistic roots. Finding food will be simple, as Earth has quite the plethora of warm-blooded bodies. Your nose will become a speedy ship guided by the lighthouse of your smell. Vampires on the other hand rely on more human-like, tactile responses to stimuli. The nose of the vampire is much less acute, for they are in greater touch with movement and vibration. Regardless, each of these sectors, much like sharks, can sense the iron-rich waft of the wounded.

Vision is another paramount characteristic one should consider when choosing their division. Vampires are graced with almost cat-like optics, thus, night vision is a vampire’s forte. Their keen sight allows them to see things past an average human’s eye-range. On the other hand, the indiscriminate daylight is cause for alarm. The natural rays of the burning sun could prove to be fatal. As a vampire, you will have to hunt at night and rest during the day. Zombies have extreme myopia, but have the advantage of round-the-clock sight. Because of this, darkness will leave a zombie vulnerable.

Hearing is another principle characteristic. Vampires have exquisite ears, which might be a reason why they are so closely related to bats. They can sense the gushing beat of a human’s heart through pulses and vibrations. Even though this “sonar” is not directly related to the drums of the ears, their actual “hearing,” or sense of movement without the eyes, is impeccable. In contrast, zombies are considered “hearing impaired.”

“It isn’t the size of the bark, but the size of the bite.” When deciding between the zombies and the vampires, the offensive aspects of battle are vital. The speed of the attacker is an integral role of winning any brawl. Vampires have this advantage, as zombies are much more rigid and stiff-limbed. However, the powerful jaws of the zombie outweigh that of a vampire by a million. Zombie’s jaws are much mightier than vampires, who have a vice-like bite. In addition, the nervous system of the zombie is more resilient. Recovery time is faster, and an injury sustained during a fight can be more quickly repaired.

Lastly, the components of the brain differ immensely between zombies and vampires. The vampire’s brain is highly developed, much like a human’s. Though a vampire has the rationality of any well-educated person, they lack the empathy associated with normal functioning. The vampire leads a life of constant woe and rage; as they live eternally with the knowledge of their deplorable existence. Each meal only slightly quenches the hunger that aches within the vampire. If death is to occur (a steak to the heart or prolonged sunlight on the skin), the vampire knows his or her fate: the hottest, most callous realm of hell. On the contrary, zombies have no cognition of their destiny. Their actions are involuntary, thus, there is no disdain in their disposition. The zombie is unaware of their impact, and will continue thriving until demise.

So as the scratches creep down your door, and the static of the empty radio hums through your halls, find some peace in the inevitable. Rest assured that you know which side you stand for. Consider the trade-offs and choose either the side of the vampires or the zombies. The fate of humanity might just depend on it.

The Spirits Come out on Halloween!

Most people reminisce of drinking holidays like St. Patrick’s day and New Years Eve. Everything is themed; from the awe-inducing decor to the tantalizing liquid indulgences. In the same manner, Halloween can be a fun and festive adult celebration. With the right amount of planning and thought, you can transfer your house’s bar into the soiree of the year.

Along with picking out the right attire, fashioning up your house is a must. Creepy cobwebs and jack-o-lanterns are sure to set the spooky mood. Gothic candles with drippy wax and eerie music will create the ambiance for your ghoulish event. We don’t need the pagan excuse to celebrate! Just be sure your spirits are spot on the witch’s nose.

The Pumpkin Martini

pumpkin martini

Pumpkin Martini. Picture author: Ally Mauro on Flickr

The Pumpkin Martini is always a classic staple for any Autumn get-together. Lush with sweet decadence, this drink will leave the ghouls lusting for more.

You will need:

  • 1/2 oz cream liquor
  • 2 oz vanilla vodka
  • 1/2 oz pumpkin Puree
  • 1 tsp whipped topping
  • 1 cinnamon stick (garnish)
  • Martini Shaker
  • Ice

Shake liquor and vodka in a martini shaker filled half way with ice. Add puree and violently shake for about 30 seconds, or until well blended. Pour into a chilled martini glass and garnish with a plop of whipped topping and 1 cinnamon stick. To create the same drink for kids, substitute half-and-half for the liquor and skim milk for the vodka. Add a tsp of vanilla extract.

Hot Apple Cider

Hot apple cider.

Hot apple cider. Picture author: tibbygirl on Flickr

Hot Apple Cider is the ultimate Hallow’s eve concoction. This is especially easy, as the cider is inexpensive and can be purchased by the gallon. Heat the cider on low in a large pot with small chunks of apples. Let heat until the apples are slightly mushy and flavor the cider. You can add bourbon, whisky or dark rum to your liking. A dash of All Spice, nutmeg and some small cinnamon sticks can be tossed in for extra dazzle and flavor. You can also add a little bit of orange juice. Keep tasting it until you reach the desired flavor. Place the bowl of cider on a heated plate with a ladle for guests. If there are children, skip the hard liquor.

Zombie Punch

Brew-Ha-Ha Punch

Brew-Ha-Ha Punch. Photo: Ralph Anderson; Styling: Buffy Hargett. From: MyRecipes.com

Zombie Punch will transform the living into the undead. What costume party would be complete without this signature punch? Just like hunch-punch and jungle-juice, Zombie Punch is a creative spin on the classic take. Make sure your guests don’t have too much; or they might become thirsty for something other than punch!

You will need:

  • 10 oz vodka
  • 5 oz orange liquor
  • 2 oz bitters
  • 8 oz blood orange juice (or fruit punch)
  • 16 oz black cherry soda
  • ice
  • grenadine

In a large punch bowl filled with ice, pour in all of the ingredients except the grenadine. Next rim the top of the bowl with the grenadine so that it seeps down and appears bloody (for best results, use a clear bowl). For a spunky kick, you can make pink Jello shots (with vodka) in plastic brain molds. Go ahead and drop them into the punch. If your serving children, omit the vodka, bitters and liquor.

Salted Tootsie Roll Shots

Salted tootsie shots

Salted tootsie shots. Picture author: TheDivineAddiction

Salted Tootsie Roll Shots are a simple recipe that can be enjoyed by any ghoul with a sweet-tooth.

You will need:

  • 2 oz caramel vodka
  • 1 oz chocolate-cream liquor
  • 1 splash of orange juice
  • 1 bag of Tootsie Rolls
  • Martini Shaker
  • Ice

Shake all ingredients (except Tootsies) in an iced shaker 3/4 full. Sift through into shot glasses. Take the Tootsie Rolls and slice up vertically about 3/4 of the way. Next Garnish the shot glasses with the Tootsies. If making this for children, opt for an entire drink rather than a shot. The ingredient ratios will be the same, except each pour will amount to one drink rather than shots. Substitute the 3 oz’s of liquor for 2% milk. Add chocolate and caramel syrup.

Lime Slime Soda

Lime Slime Soda will be the eye-catching cocktail of the ball. It appears neon green, almost glowing. It’s sweet and sour, with the right amount of citrus. This will make any vampire’s jaw drop.

You will need:

  • 1 oz lime juice
  • 3 tblsp sugar
  • 2 oz citrus vodka
  • 1/2 scoop lime sorbet
  • 1 splash champagne (or sparkling water)
  • ice
  • martini shaker

In a martini shaker filled 1/3 way with ice, add all ingredients and violently shake. Pour the mixture into the glass. The result will bubbly perfection! If seeking a nonalcoholic alternative, omit vodka and champagne. Substitute sparkling water for vodka and lemon-lime soda for the champagne.

Whether you are throwing a strictly-adult themed function or a party for all ages, these delightfully creepy cocktails are sure to make the statement that your ghoul’s will crave. Remember that on Halloween, the spirits come out at night!

Halloween Made Spellbinding

Magick spell

Magic Spell. Picture author: AForestFrolic on Flickr

Halloween is a time for sheer debauchery. It derived as a Pagen holiday, rich with themes of witch craft and ghostly apparition. Now Halloween seems to be celebrated in an almost systematic manner: dress-up, then collect candy. To add a bit of zeal and spice to the cloak of your Autumn night, try some of these wickedly divine spells.

The spell to ward off vampires

Take a pot and drop in; three cloves where the sun had been, two heads of garlic slightly minced, all within a vinegar rinse. Muddle the ingredients, add a dash of salt- shrivel a piece of a corn stalk. Heat to a boil, until the liquid does simmer, let it cool and take your finger; into the pot, gently mix the brew, take your hand from the chilled stew, rub directly onto the neck: for the ultimate vampire defect.

The spell for inner beauty

On a dark and ominous night, bring a box filled with light. A candle to light, a match to strike, open the box and hold on tight. Drop in a stem, a piece of fruit; lick your lips and tap your boots. Three times to the east, for good skin, two times to the west for a perfect grin. Once toward the south for the words in your mouth, four times to the north for wisdom to come forth.

The spell for more candy

Wait until the black dead of the night, go to the kitchen, tip-toeing light. For your supplies; find a cup, small in size, a little bit of sugar, a dollop will surmise. Pour it in, shaking it around, close your eyes, wish for more candy without a sound. Take your fingers and taste the sweet, open your eyes and whisper “treat.” Take your cup back to your room, place it under your bed, where no one would assume. In the morning; rise from your sleep, take your cup and place it by your feet. Jump up and down, and belt “Trick-Or-Treat!” Then lay back down and think of this feat.

The spell for eternal happiness

In the bath filled with steam, close your eyes and wish your dream. Scream the words you shan’t hear, sing the melody you wish for sincere. Open your lids and flare your nose, brush your heart with a withered rose. Close them again and feel the warmth, take your arms and blossom forth. Sit ahead and sing a hymn, fall back gently and take a swim. Under the water, count to seven, uprise again and reach toward heaven.

The spell to conjure gnomes and fairies

Deep in the forest are fairies and gnomes, hidden they are in their grassy thrones. To conjure their presence, wait until dusk, go into your pantry, for flour is fairy-dust. Travel to your yard; find a flower all alone, pluck it from it’s roots and expel “To all the gnomes!” and after that, pluck each of the petals, let them fall gracefully, and whisper as they settle: “To the fairies: I bid ye to come, all of the forest folk, into my home.” Take your dust and sprinkle it around, and from then on, no longer shall they be bound.

The spell to banish witches

To keep away witches, find a naked broom, take it into your bathroom… Set it neatly in the bath, run cold water over it fast…Turn off the light, touch the moist broom where you are knelt, know now that the witches will melt!